WHAT PART OF "SLEEP STUDY" IS THIS?? CUZ IT AIN'T THE EFF-ING SLEEP PART!!

SO THIS IS THE LATEST AND GREATEST OF ALL MY MISS-ADVENTURES.. I WAS GONNA SIT ON IT FOR A WHILE BUT I JUST CAN'T HELP MYSELF... THIS WAS REALLY A 24 HOUR BOUT OF CONSTANT FAILURE! AND YES FOLKS, FAIL I DID.. NOT BECAUSE I WANTED TO "CUZ I DIDN'T" BUT BECAUSE I LOOK AND FEEL LIKE A TOTAL TARD WHO IS COMPLETELY PLUGGED INTO THE MATRIX..

 SO HERE'S THE STORY... SLEEP!!  I THINK ITS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN THE WHOLE WORLD.. I'M SURE YOU WOULD AGREE.. AND YOUR NIGHT BECOME COMPLETELY SHITTY WHEN YOU HAVE NONE OF IT.  WHATEVER YOUR CASE MAY BE, IT IS NEEDED AND LOVED BY ALL.. NO ONE IN THE HISTORY OF THE PLANET SAYS...."MAN, I SURE CAN'T WAIT TO WAKE UP AND DO SHIT".. IT JUST DOESN'T HAPPEN.  SO YOU CAN REALLY UNDERSTAND HOW BAD YOUR LIFE CAN GET WHEN YOUR SLEEP JUST .... GOES AWAY.  WELL MINE HAS AND MY "ZEN" HAS BEEN SHAT' ON EVER SINCE..

MOST PEOPLE CAN ATTRIBUTE THEIR LACK OF SLEEP TO A COUPLE OF KEY THINGS... HERE'S ONE FOR ALL MY LADY READERS!!!! ......................

I WOULD LOVE TO KNOW HOW MANY OF MY FEMALE READER'S WOULD LOVE TO KICK OFF IN THEIR HUSBAND'S OR BOYFRIEND'S COMPLETE ASS AFTER SEEING THIS PIC??  I WOULD WAKE UP WITH HELLA' BRUISES ON MY SIDE FROM ATOMIC ELBOWS IN THE MORNING NOT KNOWING WHAT THEY WERE FROM.. I THOUGHT I WAS BEING HAUNTED AT NIGHT OR SOMETHING... NOPE.. JUST GETTING MY ASS WHIPPED BY MY BEDMATE AND NOT KNOWING IT..  I KNOW IT SOUNDS BAD, BUT AT THE TIME IT WASN'T.  CUZ' I WAS IN LA-LA LAND... I MEAN I USED TO SLEEP HARD AS SHIT!!!! SO HARD IN FACT THAT I WOULD RANDOMLY GET UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND DO "THINGS" THAT I COULD NOT RECALL.. HERE'S SOME VISUALS....

MY WIFE THOUGHT IF WAS OUR GREAT DANE..."THX HONEY FOR THE COMPLIMENT!" BUT IN FACT SHE SAID IT WAS ME.. AND I HAVE NO MEMORY OF IT. I THOUGHT IT WAS HILARIOUS!! SHE DIDN'T CUZ' OUR POWER HAPPENED TO BE OUT AND SHE CLEANED IT UP WHILE HOLDING A BURNING CANDLE..  I'VE NEVER LIVED THAT DOWN.  NEITHER DID HER SHOES..

THE NEXT FAIL WAS WHEN WE WERE FIRST MARRIED AND I DECIDED TO TAKE OUR SHIT EATING "CHA-WHINNIE" PUP OUT TO USE THE FACILITIES.. WHAT I FORGOT WAS MY PANTS... AND I MEAN ALL OF MY PANTS... EVEN MY SKIV'S..

THIS IS AS "PG" I CAN GET WHILE STILL GETTING THE POINT ACROSS.. THE WIFE BROUGHT ME BACK IN THE HOUSE, AND THE SHIT EATING "CHA-WHINNIE" CAME INTO THE HOUSE AND COMMENCED TO SHITTING IN THE KITCHEN.. AGAIN, DON'T REMEMBER ONE THING AND YET MY WIFE SPREADS THIS STORY ON THE REG.. THX HON'..

I THINK MY FAVORITE STORY IS OF THIS ASS-HOLE....

THIS HAPPENS TO BE MY BEST FRIEND.. WHEN YOUR YOUNG AND BROKE, YOU ALWAYS SPLIT A HOUSE OR SOMETHING WITH SAID "BEST FRIEND".. WELL ALL I REMEMBER ABOUT THIS WAS "WE" WENT OUT AND GOT COMPLETELY HAMMERED.. YOU KNOW NORMAL STUFF.. I THINK IT WAS A TUESDAY OR SOMETHING.. NOT ALOT GOING ON IN THOSE DAYS.. WELL, MY ROOM WAS CONNECTED TO THE LAUNDRY ROOM ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE HOUSE.. I GUESS GAR-SONE' PUT HIS CLEAN CLOTHES IN THE DRYER BEFORE WE HEADED OUT TO THE WATERING HOLE FOR THE NIGHT.. NO BIGS... WE ALL DO THAT... WELL, FAST FORWARD 2:30 A.M. AND WE COME IN DRAGGING COMPLETE ASS.. I AM DRUNK BUT UNDER CONTROL.. "HE" HAD BEEN DOUSING CROWN DOWN HIS GULLET AND OUTER BODY...(DON'T REALLY KNOW WHY)  BUT NEEDLESS TO SAY THIS DOUCHER WAS SHIT-BOXED!! AND I THOUGHT IT TO BE WELL..... FUNNY.. EVERYONE GOES TO BED.. NO ISSUES... ABOUT AN HOUR OR SO LATER I HEAR NOISE COMING FROM THE LAUNDRY ROOM.. I ASSUME ITS ROBBIE GETTING HIS SHIT, BUT HE'S BEING LOUD AS HELL AND SAYING WEIRD SHIT.. I CAN'T REALLY MAKE IT OUT.. SO I GET UP, OPEN MY DOOR AND WITNESS THIS UNFOLDING BEFORE MY VERY EYES....

THIS DUDE IS PISSIN' IN THE DRYER!!! HE'S ALL GRUNTIN' AND SHIT AND I SWEAR HE IS SPEAKING MARTIAN OR SOMETHING... I CAN'T GET A WORD OUT OF HIM... AND THEN HE LOOK'S ME DEAD IN MY FACE AND TELL ME TO FUCK OFF!!!! AND SNICKERS.... OH OK... ITS LIKE THAT!?!?  ROGER!! ENGAGE EGO:  TOM TOM EFF THAT DUDE!! WE ARE TRYING TO HELP!! ME: I KNOW RIGHT, SHOULD I JUST PUSH HIM DOWN SO HE'LL STOP OR LET HIM FINISH?? THIS IS THE RARE MOMENT WHERE ALL THREE HEADS SPEAK AS ONE

CONSCIOUS:  I'M GONNA AGREE WITH EGO... WE TRIED TO HELP AND "DOUCHE-LORD" WANTS NONE OF IT!  GO AHEAD EGO, HAVE YOUR MOMENT AND HOOK HIM UP PROPER!! SO WE STEP BACK, LET SAID BEST FRIEND FINISH, AND WATCH HIM GO BACK TO HIS ROOM.  WHAT WOULD YOU DO AFTER THAT? WHAT A BEST FRIEND DOES BEST.. TAKE "CARE" OF HIS FRIENDS SHIT... CLOSE THE DRYER DOOR, HIGH HEAT, 70 MINUTE CYCLE!! SWEET SUCCESS!!! BET YOU WON'T CUSS ME AGAIN!! OH, AND THE DRYER WAS HIS TOO!! TOM TOM, EGO, & CONSCIOUS 1... BEST FRIEND ZIP!!! WINNER!!! 

I HAVE A MILLION OF THESE EXAMPLES.. THE POINT I AM TRYING TO GET ACROSS IS THAT "SLEEP" IS PRECIOUS.. WHETHER IT DEEP REM SLEEP OR BLACK OUT DRUNK SLEEP, ITS THERE FOR A REASON.. I JUST WANT MINE BACK.. AND MY "SLEEP STUDY" DIDN'T HELP.. I MEAN THERE IS NOTHING ABOUT BEING WIRED UP LIKE A SOUND BOARD FROM HEAD TO TOE AND BEING WATCHED BY A CAMERA THAT SCREAMS "SWEET DREAMS"...

I MEAN ALL I COULD DO WAS WATCH THEM, WATCHING ME, WHILE I SIT IN A BED IN THE DARK.. SO I REALLY HAD TO PRETEND THAT I WAS WATCHING THEM.. I COULDN'T SEE SHIT!! REAL SHITTY DEAL.. OH AND I HAD SO MANY WIRES ON THAT I HAD TO SHOUT OUT TO THEM WHEN I NEEDED TO USE THE "POTTY" LIKE I WAS A 3000 YEAR OLD MUMMY!! I MEAN FML!! IT WAS TOTAL MISERY..  AT THE END OF THE "STUDY" NURSE NOBODY FROM BIZZARO WORLD CAME IN AND TOLD ME..... "YOU DIDN'T SLEEP VERY MUCH"...  REALLY!! REALLY!!! IF IT WASN'T SO DARK, I WOULD HAVE WIDDLED A SHANK AND USED IT ON THIS SKEEZE-BAG!!!   I MEAN, I KNOW ROCKET SCIENCE IS PRETTY TOUGH, BUT LEGO BUILDING... NOT SO MUCH...   MY 2 YR OLD COULD HAVE GIVEN ME A "BETTER READING" ON MY RESULTS THEN THIS BROAD... AND TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE, THE DOCTOR NEVER CAME IN... GUESS HE HAD BETTER SHIT TO DO..  

WITH ENDING THIS STORY I WILL SAY THIS... SLEEP IS SO EFF-ING AWESOME!! AND TO NOT HAVE ANY OR VERY LITTLE, WELL THAT JUST BLOWS!! THEIR ARE SOME AUDIBLES... IF YOU HAVE A NEW-BORN OR IF YOU ARE ON A TROPICAL ISLAND AND HAVE ONLY 5-7 DAYS TO GET ALL THE PARTY YOU CAN GET!! HOPEFULLY I CAN GET MY "SLEEPY TIMES" BACK.. UNTIL THEN.......

DRINK TIL' YOU BLACK OUT!!! IT IS GUARANTEED SLEEP!!!!!  AND THERE ARE OTHER RISKS AS WELL. JUST ASK THIS GUY!!

AS ALWAYS, 100% TRUE AS SHIT!!

ONE SHOT, ONE KILL!!