Turn that "ISH" UP!! Thats my JAM!!! wait... what do you mean that's Justin Bieber!?!? SHIT!!

SO MANY TIMES IN MY LIFE I GET PHOTOGRAPHED DOING SHIT LIKE THIS.... MOST WOULD CONSIDER THIS THROWING UP MY "SET" OR STRAIGHT GANG-BANGIN' WITH MY OWN GANG SIGNS.... NOT THE CASE..... IN FACT THIS IS ME BUSTIN' MY BEST DANCE STEPS ON ABDC..... OR AMERICA'S BEST DANCE CREW!!  THAT'S RIGHT SON!!!! I GO HARD AS SHIT!! YOU MIGHT WONDER WHERE THE REST OF MY CREW IS, OR MY POST-BREAK DANCE INTERVIEW WITH A.C. SLATER... WELL, IT AIN'T HERE HOMBRE'  CUZ' NONE OF THAT MATTERS.. IT ALL ABOUT ME, MY SET AND MY SWEET ASS MOVES!!! EVERY BODY ELSE IS JUST SECOND FIDDLE.. WHICH BRINGS ME TO MY LOVE FOR ALMOST ALL MUSIC AND PROLLY THE FIRST TIME I REALLY FAILED AT LIFE IN PUBLIC...  I JUST HATE WHEN I GET BUSTED SINGING OR JAMMIN' TO THE WRONG ASS SONGS AT THE WRONG ASS TIME..........I AM FINDING OUT THAT I HAVE A LIFE LONG BATTLE RAGING BETWEEN MY EGO AND MY CONSCIOUS AND I'M STUCK IN THE MIDDLE.... ME AND "EGO" ARE LOSING BADLY...... DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL CONSCIOUS!!

JUST TO GIVE YOU AN IDEA OF WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT... HERE ARE PICS OF ME SINGING AND DOING WRONG ASS SHIT AND GETTING CAUGHT DOING IT....

- ME CAUGHT BRINGING "SEXY BACK"...

ME AND MY CREW TELLING EVERYONE, " BYE BYE BYE........"

                    

                                                               "BIG WHEELS KEEP ON TURNIN"

"KID AND FUCKING PLAY!"

TRUST ME THERE ARE WAY MORE OF THESE BUT I CAN'T EMBARRASS MY WIFE WITH ANYMORE OF MY SHORT COMINGS....AT LEAST NOT TODAY..  SO THE BEGINNING OF THE END STARTED FOR ME PROLLY AROUND JUNIOR HIGH... I'M OLD AS SHIT NOW SO THE TRENDING GROUP WAS NKOTB.... I REALLY EFFING HATED THESE TOOL BAGS, AND BLAME "CONSCIOUS" FOR ME KNOWING THEIR SHIT WITHOUT BEING AWARE OF KNOWING THEIR SHIT!!. DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN??  LET ME EXPLAIN...BACK IN THE STONE AGE, WE USED TO REALLY MAKE HARD AS SHIT MIX "DUB" TAPES... I MEAN THE ONES FROM YOUR HI-FI TAPE DECK...

BOOM!!! HIT PLAY AND RECORD AT THE SAME TIME AND YOU HAVE YOURSELF SOME SWEET RADIO SHIT!! BAD PART ABOUT IT IS THAT YOU GET SHITTY "B" SIDE SONGS TOO.. IT JUST TOOK TOO MUCH EFFORT TO GET UP AND "PAUSE" EDIT YOUR MASTER MIX.. SO YOU JUST SUCK IT UP.. WITH SUCKING IT UP FACTOR ENGAGED COMES REALLY SHITTY RADIO SHOW TUNES.. AND MINE JUST HAPPENED TO BE

PLEASE DON'T GO GIRRRRLLL..

FROM THESE HOMO'S..................

 WHEN I TELL YOU THAT I DIDN'T KNOW THAT THIS "PRE-TEEN" SLOW JAM SHIT-BOMB WAS ON MY DUB TAPE MASTERPIECE I SWEAR!!! NON-THE-LESS IT WAS THERE.  WELL, I GUESS WHEN I WOULD FALL ASLEEP IT WOULD COME ON AND "CONSCIOUS" WOULD COMMIT THE TUNE TO MEMORY..(ASS) MY DOOM IS TOTALLY SEALED... ITS EVEN WORSE WHEN YOU DON'T KNOW IT OR NEVER SEE IT COMING.. FAST FORWARD 3 WEEKS, AND THE BIG EVENT WAS THE SCHOOL DANCE..  THIS WAS A BIG DEAL BACK IN THE DAY CUZ' ITS WHEN YOU GOT TO PUT ALL YOUR PRACTICE AND SKILLS TO WORK.. AND FOR THE RECORD, I WAS A DANCE MASTER!! STILL AM......KINDA..

THE DANCE IS GOING HARD.. I'M IN THE CIRCLE KILLIN' IT!!  RUNNING MAN, VANILLA ICE, ROGER RABBIT.... THE WORX!!!! AND ALL THE FLY HONEY DIPS ARE LOVIN IT!! GO WHITE BOY, GO WHITE BOY, GO WHITE BOY!!!  EGO, "DAMN TOM TOM, YOU ARE KING!! YOU ARE KILLIN IT!! ALL THE JV HONEY'S WANT YOU AT 1ST BASE WITH THEM!!"  I'M SUPER PUMPED!! I'M GONNA HAVE MY PICK, HAVE MY CAKE AND EAT THE SHIT OUT OF IT TOO.. BAM, THE LIGHTS GO DIM... SLOW JAM NEXT.. ALL THE GIRLS ARE LINING UP.. MY TARGET.."MELANIE"  BOOM!! EGO, "YOU ARE IN THERE LIKE SWIM WEAR, 1ST BASE WITHOUT A DOUBT COMPADRE'.. AND WE HAVE A HUGE LEAD OFF THE 1ST BASE BAG....MONEY!!"

I AM SO CAUGHT IN THIS MOMENT OF "AWESOMENESS" THAT I KINDA HYPNOTIZE MYSELF..  I'VE GOT MY SLOW DANCE GOING STRONG BUT FAIL TO REALIZE THE SONG BEING PLAYED.... BUT SHITTY ASS "CONSCIOUS" DOES... AND TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE DJ CLOWN SAUCE ON THE 1'S AND 2'S SEES WHATS ABOUT TO GO DOWN..(ASSHOLE).. I'M IN THE MOMENT...... ENGAGE CONSCIOUS.... 

PLEASE DON'T GO GIIRRRRLLLL!!!

COMES BELTING OUT OF MY MOUTH!!! "CONSCIOUS" BLAHAHAH!! "GOTCHO' PUNK ASS!!!" AND TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE.. THE DJ HIT THE MUTE BUTTON ON MY TUNE CARRYING ASS!!(FUCKING DICK)  THE WHOLE DANCE FLOOR IS LOOKING AT ME IN SHOCK AND I IMMEDIATELY GET MOCKED THE REST OF THE NIGHT BY EVERYBODY... EVEN THE TEACHERS!! DOESN'T THAT CONSTITUTE AS EMOTIONAL ABUSE??? WHAT CAN YOU DO?? THE ONLY THING YOU CAN DO.. EXIT STAGE EFFING LEFT!!! CONSCIOUS 1.... TOM TOM & "EGO" ZIP....   FUCK..

FAST FORWARD A MILLION YEARS, AND NOT MUCH HAS CHANGED.. I GUESS ITS JUST MY DESTINY TO GET CAUGHT IN THESE POSITIONS OF WEAKNESS ON A REGULAR ASS BASIS.. I JUST CAN'T GET AWAY FROM THA' SHIT.. I MEAN MY WIFE EVEN GETS ME DOIN' THIS SHIT.. FOR INSTANCE.... AS STATED IN THE BEGINNING OF THIS PARODY, I'M WATCHIN' THE NEW SEASON OF "ABDC" HOPING THAT I WILL GET SOME SWEET DANCE MOVES FROM THE JABBA WALKIES.... THESE DUDES KILL IT ALL DAY ERY'DAY.. FOR REALLA'..   THEY START PLAYIN' MY NEW JAM THAT'S BEEN GOING HARD ON THE RADIO... ME AND "EGO" HAVE BEEN BANGIN' IT HARD IN THE TRUCK.. OLE' A.C. SLATER QUE'S UP SAID TUNE AND MY OLD ASS STARTS TWERK-O-LATING IN MY RECLINER AND FIST PUMPING!!  OHHHHH SHIT!!!! LACEY TURN THAT SHIT UP!!! THAT'S MY JIZZ-AMM!!  I GET THIS LOOK....... 

I LOOK BACK AT HER MAD AS SHIT AND OFFENDED CUZ' I AM BEING IMMEDIATELY JUDGED...  SO, I'M LIKE, "WTF, YOU DON'T LIKE CHRIS BREEZY'S NEW JOINT!!!??"  WIFEY; " NAH, CHRIS BROWN GOES SUPER HARD, BUT I'M NOT REALLY FEELIN' JUSTIN BIEBER.."  ME; WAIT... WHAT DID YOU SAY??" WIFEY, "YEP, YOU ARE GETTIN' PUMPED UP WITH THE BEEB'S"  FML!!!! NOT AGAIN.....

CONSCIOUS 2..... TOM TOM & EGO...ZIP...  FUCK.. I SWEAR MY CONSCIOUS WILL BE THE DEATH OF ME.. I CAN BET THAT EVERY DUDE HAS BEEN CAUGHT IN THIS MOMENT OF WEAK-SAUCE-NESS... IT JUST HAPPENS.. BUT I TRULY BELIEVE THAT IT DOESN'T HAPPEN TO ANY DUDE MORE THAN ME....  I THINK I'M JUST GONNA EMBRACE IT AND START A GUERRILLA ASS OVER 30 SOMETHIN' MAN BAND THAT GETS THE WALKERS AND WHEELCHAIRS BANGIN!! I HOPE YOU HAVE MADE YOUR PIECE WITH TRUE MANHOOD MIKE HICKS.... A.K.A. "DICKEY BOY VALENTINE" CUZ' I'M NOT DOING THIS ALONE!!! YOU CAN PLAY THE KEYBOARD GUITAR OR SOME SHIT!! I HEARD ITS MAKIN' ITS WAY BACK... YOU KNOW, LIKE LIGHT SKINNEDED BRUH'S!!!LOL 

LESSONS LEARNED:  DON'T GET CAUGHT UP SINGIN' BULLSHIT IN YOUR CAR AND THINK NO ONE WILL FIND OUT... KARMA/CONSCIOUS IS A MUTHA' EFFER..  IF YOU MUST JAM OUT TO SOFT ASS SHIT, DO IT IN OTHER STATES WHERE NO ONE KNOWS YOUR WEAK ASS, AND FOR GOD SAKES STOP MAKING FUCKING MIXED TAPE SLOW JAMZ CD'S!! WE ARE GROWN ASS MEN!!! .... KINDA..

AS ALWAYS, ENJOY MY PAIN, AND UNTIL NEXT TIME..

ONE SHOT, ONE KILL!!!!