REALLY DOG?!?!? ZIMA?? REALLY?!? HOW ABOUT A SHOTGUN TO YO' FACE PIECE!!

SO NOW THAT WE'VE MADE THE PROPER, "I KNOW YOU, AND YOU KNOW ME" BIT FROM THE LAST 2 POSTS, I WILL SPARE YOU THE PLEASANTRIES...BUT SWEET PIC NO DOUBT OF REAL MEN DRINKING FOR-REAL ASS BEER. OBSERVE THE MASS AMOUNTS OF GLASS, LABELS AND AWESOMENESS THAT ARE IN THIS PIC. AND YES, WE ARE IN A BAR, JOURNEY'S "LOVIN', TOUCHIN' AND SQUEEZEN'" IS BLASTING IN THE BACKGROUND. "ZEN" MY ROE-DAWG AUSTIN "M" A.K.A (KNUCKLE DRAGGER)AND MYSELF ARE ON POINT WITH OUR RENDITION OF SAID 80'S HIT! DON'T HATE BOO-BOO, EMBRACE IT!! BUT THE POINT OF THESE OBSERVATIONS ARE QUIET SIMPLY THIS..... NO MATTER WHAT YOU ARE SINGING, AND NO MATTER HOW AWESOME IT MAY IN FACT BE, YOU CANNOT DO THESE THINGS I AM CONFESSING TO IN THIS REPRESENTATION OF A BROMANCE' WITH ANYTHING LESS THEN BEER, 90 PROOF GUT-ROT OR KEG STANDS OFF OF BILLY RAY AND JO-JO'S MOON SHINE STILL. WHICH BRINGS ME AGAIN TO MY UNPLEASANT PAST OF BEING AN UTTER "FIRST TIME" NO GO AND STRAIGHT CLOWN," FAILURE TO RISE ABOVE THE T.V. COMMERCIAL PEER PRESSURE AND TACTICS, AND TAKE PART IN THE SIN THAT IS...........................................................................

YES...THAT SHIT...EFFFF MY WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE FOR ADMITTING TO YOU "JUDGERS" THAT I STOOD AMONGST OTHER "SO CALLED MAN-CHILDS" (A.K.A TEENAGERS) AND TOOK PART IN DRINKING THIS BRAND OF ESTROGEN FILLED FIRE-WATER!! DAMNMITT ALL TO HELL!! BUT LETS NOT LEAVE THE BEST PART OUT OF THIS EQUATION... THERE WAS ONE MORE INGREDIENT THAT WOULD MAKE ROCKY BALBOA LOOK LIKE RU'PAUL'S LITTLE BOY BANGER...... YEP, YOU GUESSED IT......







SO MY STORY REALLY STARTS PROLLY ABOUT 1993-1994ISH'... NOT REAL SURE, BUT IN SAYING THAT, IF YOU HAVE CONSUMED THIS BULLSHIT POST 1997-ISH AND A DUDE, YOU NEED YOUR BALLS SMASHED WITH A SPIKED FUCKING BAT!! POOOWWWW!!.(WU-TANG CLAN SON.. WHAT!!) MY FAMILY AND I HAD MOVED TO A PLACE IN NORTH CAROLINA CALLED GASTONIA, "THE GASS HOUSE" FOR ALL MY STREET DWELLERS.. MY MOM AND DAD WERE BUILDING A NEW HOUSE AND MY UNCLE LET US SHACK UP AT HIS SPOT DURING THE BUILD. WELL, MY UNCLE IS A 'CAN DO' ANYTHING TYPE DUDE.. REALLY, EFFING ANYTHING. BUT HE ALSO IS TOTALLY AGAINST THE "MAN" AND SAYS SHIT ABOUT WOMEN LIKE, " 8 TO 80, BLIND, CRIPPLE, OR CRAZY, IF SHE CAN'T WALK...I WILL DRAG HER!!!" DON'T REALLY KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS BUT I EQUATE IT TO..." BITCH IF YOU DON'T WALK IN MY DIRECTION, YOU WILL GET DRAGGED IN MY DIRECTION AT ALL COSTS.... YA DIG??!?!?.. MY UNCLE AND I HAD A GREAT RELATIONSHIP WHILE I WAS GROWNING UP. HE WOULD TELL ME ABOUT HOES', AND TO DO WHATS RIGHT BUT ALWAYS DO IT ON MY TERMS.. DOESN'T REALLY WORK THAT WAY ALL THE TIME, BUT I TRIED REAL HARD AND STILL DO TO FOLLOW THOSE GUIDELINES... ANYWAYS, WE WERE TALKING ABOUT DRINKING AND GETTING TORN DOWN.. I SAW THE ZIMA COMMERICAL ON THE TELLA' TUBE AND THOUGHT...." WELL ITS CLEAR, "IT SPARKLE LIKE DIAMOND IN SKY" (THX LACEY), PROLLY WON'T TASTE LIKE BIGFOOT'S STANK TANK LIKE ALL BEERS DO, AND WOW, LOOK AT ALL THE CHICKAS' DRINK IT ON T.V." I WAS SUCH A UTTER RETARD ABOUT SHIT LIKE THAT.. I GUESS MY UNCLE KNEW THE REAL SCOOP ON THIS PISS WATER, AND AGREED TO GRAB ME A SIXER OF THE FINEST ZIMA IN TOWN.. (DICK) MIND YOU MY FOLKS WERE OUT OF TOWN AND DIDN'T KNOW WHAT WAS ABOUT TO GO DOWN. SO HERE WE GO, I'M STOKED!!!! FIXIN' TO GET MY DRANK ON SON!!! YEA, I GOT MY DRINK ON ALRIGHT.. I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA TO GET A BIG ASS CUP FILLED WITH ICE AND POUR LIKE 3 OF THOSE VAG' BOMBS AND GET TO WORK.. LITTLE DID I KNOW THAT THIS SHIT FALLS INTO THE " MALT LIQUOR" CATEGORY OF SHITTINESS....NICE... SIDE NOTE.... WHEN MY UNCLE SHOWS BACK UP TO THE HOUSE WITH MY GOODIES, HE ALSO HAS IN TOW A RANDOM BROAD THAT IS NO DOUBT GONNA FULFILL ALL HIS NIGHTLY NEEDS WHILE I DROWN MYSELF IN THIS CLEAR HELL HOUND PISS POISON... HE LOOKS AT ME, SMILES AND SAYS, "GOOD LUCK BOY!!!' I'LL BE IN HERE TAKING THIS SKEEZE' TO THE WOOD SHED, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN...HE, HE, HE..... THAT'S MY UNCLE, GOD BLESS HIM. BACK TO IT NOW... 2 LITER OF ZIMA W/ ICE IN RETARDED ASS SIZED CUP...CHECK.. BIG ASS BAG OF CHESTER CHEETO'S PUFF'S... CHECK....OLD SKOOL SATELLITE WITH THE ILLEGAL BOX HOOK-UP AND PORN STATIONS ON LOCK... DOUBLE ASS CHECK.... I AM HOOKED UP LIKE BIG JOHN ABOUT TO RIDE THE LIGHTNING!! LIKE THE COFFEE BOSS... JUS' NOT SPELT DE SAME......

I'M GONNA LET MY UNCLE KNOW THAT I AIN'T NO PUNK, CAN HOLD MY SHIT AND READY TO DIVE INTO SOME HEAVY REAL MAN SHIT!!! NO MAS, COMPADRE' NO MAS...... THE LAST THING I RECALL WAS THE BOTTOM OF THAT PIT OF HELL THAT WAS A ROUTE 44 SIZED SHIT BOMB, AND IT WAS NITE NITE NIGGA, NITE NITE!!!!! I CAME TO WITH THE TELLA-TUBE BLASTIN' MORMON PORN IN MY DOME-PIECE AND LAYING FACE DOWN WITH NOTHING BUT MY SKIVY'S ON.. THE HOUSE SMELLING LIKE A SOLID WASTE TREATMENT PLANT AND A STRIPPER'S BACK STAGE TOILET, YOU KNOW THE "CHAMPAGNE ROOM"...(CONSCIOUS).. OH MY GOD DUDE, WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO YOU?? WHERE ARE YOUR CLOTHES??? AND WHY ARE YOU ALL ORANGE AND SHIT?? DID CHESTER CHEEETA' AND HIS GOONS JUST TAKE YOUR BUTT VIRGINITY??..(PANIC FRENZY ME).. REMEMBER, RECALL, DO EFFING SOMETHING BESIDES ACT LIKE A CARTOON RAPE VICTIM JUST COMING OFF A BAD ACID TRIP OUT OF FEAR AND LOATHING IN LAS VEGAS!!!( THAT'S WHAT IT FELT LIKE) GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER QUICK LIKE!! STAGE A ROBBERY OF THE HOUSE, KICK THE DOOR OFF THE HINGES, DO SOMETHING!!!! YOU REALLY BURNT THE SHIT OUT OF THIS BRIDGE HOME SKILLET!! "AND KISS MY ASS CONSCIOUS!! ALL OF IT" BUT THERE WAS NO PLAN TO BE HAD... NUTHIN'..... FAILED AT LIFE PART 1 COMPLETE.. CONSCIOUS 1, TOM TOM ZERO... FUCK...

PARENTLY' I WAS A WEAK SAUCE BITCH AND BLACKED OUT BUT DIDN'T.. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.?? YOU KEEP DRINKING EVEN THOUGH YOU ARE ASSED OUT.. YEA, THAT WAS ME.... I TOTALLY OWNED EVERY LAST DROP OF MY DEATH SAUCE, AND IN TURN IT OWNED MY UNCLE'S WHOLE LIVING ROOM.. AND THIS PIC IS ABOUT AS CLOSE TO ACCURATE AS I CAN FIND.... OH MAN.... I WAS NERVOUS, MY UNCLE IS COOL AS AN ICE FACTORY BUT I REALLY FUCKED HIS HOUSE ALL THE WAY UP!! BEFORE I COULD START CLEANING WHAT SO EVER, BOOM........ UNC' ROLLS THE SCALLY WAG' OUT THE DUNGEON OF DOOM,

DOES NOT TAKE HER HOME, BUT CALLS THAT BITCH A CAB "DOESN'T PAY FOR IT!! GANGSTER AS SHIT B!!!!" AND CLOSES THE DOOR.. I'M THINKING MY SHIT IS TOTALLY GONNA GET HAZED!!! HARD AS SHIT!!! LOOKS AROUND, LOOKS AT ME.... SMILES.... AND GOES BACK TO BED...... DAMN..... ALL I COULD THINK WAS, " I THINK SKANK-O-POTOMUS JUST TOTALLY SAVED MY ASS.." THANKS HOE-STROE YOUR NEXT "BANGER" OF METH IS ON BIG TOM-DOG!! BET ON IT!! I SPIT-SHINED MY UNCLE'S WHOLE HOUSE, WASHED HIS CAR AND CUT THE YARD.. AND FELT LIKE UTTER SHIT BALLZ' DOING IT... BUT THEIR WAS NEVER A WORD SAID ABOUT.. NOT EVEN TO THIS DAY..I KNOW WE ALL WISH WE HAD A FOR-REAL-ASS-NINJA LIKE THIS TO HOLD US UP WHEN WE WERE YOUNG AND LIMITLESS.. I DID, AND I AM TOTALLY THANKFUL FOR THE EDUCATION IN LIFE THAT HE BESTOWED ON ME..NO MATTER HOW BAD THAT SHIT HURT... AND IT HURT FOR LIKE A MONTH.. I STILL CRINGE THINKING ABOUT IT...

NOW 2012, THE DRINKING GAME HASN'T CHANGED THAT MUCH.. JUST MORE VARIETY.. ALL OF THESE DRINKS LIKE SMIRNOFF ICE AND SHIT ARE RUNNING RAMPIDE.. MIKE'S HARD VAGINA'AIDE HAS NO BUSINESS ON NFL COMMERCIALS, JACK DANIEL'S COUNTRY ASS QUENCHER SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED TO HAVE SPONSORSHIP. THESE KINDS OF "BEVERAGES" SHOULD BE GATHERED UP BY THE WAR DEPARTMENT, MIXED TOGETHER AND USED AS NAPALM OVER THE MIDDLE EAST.. (MINUS JERUSALEM.. THAT'S GOD'S PEOPLE). EVEN AS GIRLY AS THIS SHIT SAUCE IS, IT WOULD BRING TONS OF "M-A-N" TO ALL THOSE BOTTOM FEEDING TERRORISTS!! YOU WANT TO WEAR DRESSES AND SHIT HAK'MED??? WELL HERE YOU GO!!! BLAMO!!! OUR BOYS IN COMBAT COULD PROLLY GET A FIGHT WORTH WRITING COMIC BOOKS AFTER.. BEER AND BOOZE ONLY NATION PLEASE... THX AND THAT IS ALL!! OH, AND IF I EVER GET FUCKING ICE'D AGAIN, I WILL GO OUT TO MY CAR AND POP DA' TRUNK ON- YA' PUNK ASS!!( KEV' HART).. MY FAVE!!

I AM SURE EVERYONE WHO HAS HAD A BREATH OF OXYGEN CAN RELATE TO THIS STORY.. AS ALWAYS 100% TRUE AS SHIT.. MORAL OF THE STORY..... IF YOU ARE A MAN, DON'T DRINK THIS HORSE PISS!!! IF YOU GET ICED'..... BE A MAN, PAY YOUR DUES, AND TELL YOUR FRIENDS IN PUBLIC ALL THE DIRTY SECRETS THEIR MOTHER'S ARE HIDING FROM THEM......(LIKE YOUR DADDY IS REALLY THE MILK MAN TYPE SHIT) ITS ONLY FAIR... BUT IF YOU MUST DRINK SOME TYPE OF "MALTY FLAVORED GUTTER JUICE" AT LEAST MAKE IT WORTH THE STORY.....

FOUR LOCO'S SON!!!

WOW, THIS SHIT IS SO BAD I CAN'T EVEN TALK TO YOU ABOUT IT ON THIS BLOG.. I THINK IT'S ILLEGAL TO SPEAK OF IT ON THE ENTRO'WEBZ... THIS SHIT IS THE ILLIEST, MOST HARD CORE TERRORIST JUNGLE TOXIN EVER MADE!!! 11% THIS PIC DOES IT NO JUSTICE.. BUT YOU GET THE IDEA. "AIN'T THAT RIGHT DAVEY'BOY SCHNAAK!!! BUT THAT A WHOLE'NUTHER ADVENTURE..

AS ALWAYS, THANKS FOR READING TIL' NEXT TIME.....

ONE SHOT, ONE KILL!!