NINJA TURTLES, HOOKER DRESSES AND CHURCH DON'T MIX!

WHEN YOU SEE THIS PICTURE DO YOU THINK OF JESUS?? YEA ME NEITHER.. LATELY I FEEL LIKE THIS IS WHAT I SEE AT CHURCH.. I MEAN NO ONE IS HATING ON THE FACT THAT YOU NEED SOME "JC" IN YOUR LIFE BUT PUT SOME EFFING CLOTHES ON!! I KNOW I SHOULDN'T BE SO HYPOCRITICAL BUT I CAN'T FUCKING HELP IT.  HERE IN LOUISIANA IT IS ALREADY A BILLION DEGREES, I'M SWEATING LIKE 2 RATS FUCKING IN A WOOL SOCK, AND I SWEAR MY CHURCH IS TRYING TO BOIL THE SIN OUT OF ME..  WELL, I'M SAVED BY THE GRACE OF GOD AND WEARING THE PROPER CHURCH GEAR SO LETS START WORKING ON THESE SILLY ASS MONKEY'S...MMM'K.. IT HAS BECOME A RUNNING JOKE BETWEEN MY WIFE AND I AND ON OCCASION ANOTHER FRIEND CHIMES IN ON THE "I WANT TO DRESS LIKE A TOTAL HOOKER CLUB IN CHURCH" GAME.  IT SO FUNNY THAT WE HAVE A GAGGLE OF PEOPLE THAT SHOW UP AND ACT LIKE EVERYTHING IS HUNKY DOREY.. BUT MY GROUP OF 3 CAN'T BE THE ONLY ONES THAT SEE IT. OR ARE WE??  SO HERE WE GO..

1.  THERE IS THIS DUDE THAT SHOWS UP TO CHURCH EVERY SUNDAY IN THE SAME "JORTS" BUT ROTATES HIS CLASSIEST SHORT SLEEVE BUTTON UP.  I DON'T KNOW WHERE THIS"FELLA" GETS THESE THINGS BUT HE NEEDS AN INTERVENTION.. AND BY THAT I MEAN STICKING A SHOTGUN IN HIS DICK SUCKER AND PULLING BOTH TRIGGERS.. ITS REALLY RETARDED.. SEE...

I MEAN, ARE YOU GETTING READY TO POWER THE FUCK UP?  DID GOKU TELL YOU TO WHERE HIS SHIT OR HE WAS GONNA KICK YOUR ASS TO THE MOON?? I THINK NOT.. BUT THATS NOT THE END.. THIS DUDE WEARS NINJA TURTLES TOO.  AREN'T YOU LIKE 50 OR SOME SHIT??!?!

LETS JUST GO NUTS AND DRESS LIKE MASTER SPLINTER..I'M SURE THE "SHREDDER" WILL PRESENT HIMSELF DURING THE NEXT BAPTISM AND YOU CAN GET YOUR KUNG FOOEY ON WITH HIM..

BUT AFTER ALL THE CLOWN SHIT THIS GUY DOES, ITS SO SAD THAT HE'S NOT THE WORST. 

2. THESE YOUNG FEMALES COME TO CHURCH LOOKING LIKE THEY ARE ABOUT TO

DROP DROP DROP-IT TO THA' FLOW'!

ITS A TRIP THAT SOME OLD TIMERS HAVEN'T DROPPED DEAD WHILE TAKING THE OFFERING.. ITS CRAZY TO ME THAT THESE LITTLE TEENY-BOPPERS THINK THIS IS HOW YOU GET CLOSER TO JESUS... HERE'S A HINT BOO-BOO....

PUT YOUR TITTIES UP AND GET SOME PANTS !!!

I KNOW EVERYONE SAYS, "BLAME THE PARENTS".. BUT GUESS WHAT, THE PARENTS AREN'T EVEN AT CHURCH, SO GO FIGURE.. YOU WOULD THINK THAT THERE WOULD BE A DUDE AT THE FRONT DOOR OR A SIGN THAT SAYS....

BUT WHO AM I TO MAKE CHANGES RIGHT?? I PAY MY MONEY TO THE "BUILDING FUND" SO I SHOULD BE HAPPY. OH WELL...

I KNOW I AM NOT SOUNDING LIKE A TYPICAL GUY WHAT SO EVER.. AND 6 OUT OF THE 7 DAYS OF THE WEEK I WOULDN'T SAY SHIT. BUT IF I CAN GET MY SLACKS AND TIE STRAIGHT FOR 1 HOUR A DAY THE G-O-D, WELL I THINK YOU CAN PUT YOUR DRAGON BALLZ AND NINJA SWORDS BACK IN YOUR TONKA TRUCK HOME SKILLET!  AND LADIES JUST A TEST FOR YOU.... IF A DUDE CAN SEE YOUR ENTIRE "SNATCH" FROM 100 FT AWAY AS HE'S DRIVING DOWN AN INTERSTATE IN HIS "BIG MUTHA TRUCKER", MAYBE YOU SHOULD BRING A BACK UP OUTFIT.. 

SO IN CLOSING.. WEIRDO DUDE THAT GOES TO MY CHURCH WITH RETARDED SHIRTS, JUST WHERE A REGULAR ASS SHIRT OR I'M GONNA HIT YOU WITH A HYMN BOOK!! LITTLE GIRLS WITH YOUR CASH AND PRIZES OUT FOR THE OFFERING PLATE. I DON'T THINK YOUR "OFFERING" IS GONNA GO FAR IN TERMS OF PUTTING A NEW DOOR KNOB ON THE FRONT DOOR OF THE CHURCH.. JUS SAYIN.. COVER UP YOUR POOTY-POO FOR GOD'S SAKE!!! YOUR GONNA GIVE THOSE OLD DUDES HEART FAILURE.

AS ALWAYS, 100% TRUE AS SHIT!! TIL' NEXT TIME.

ONE SHOT, ONE KILL!!

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