YOU WILL NEVER BE DOMINIC TORETTO FROM FAST AND FURIOUS!

I LOVE THE MOVIES!! I AM ONE OF THOSE RETARDS THAT WILL GO AND STAND IN A MILE LONG LINE AND SQEEZE MY BIG ASS INTO A SMEDIUM' SEAT JUST TO CATCH A NEW RELEASE..  I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS ABOUT A "FLICK SHOW" THAT GETS ME SO WORKED UP.. BUT I LOVE THEM.  MOST MEN ARE THE SAME AND ITS A STANDARD PART OF THE "FIRST DATE" SO JUST DEAL WITH IT LADIES.  BUT WHAT I REALLY CAN'T EFFING' STAND ARE LOCAL GOONS" DRESSING UP OR ACTING LIKE THE CHARACTER'S IN THE MOVIE.. I MEAN REALLY?? COME ON DAWG..  YOU ARE MAKING US GUYS LOOK REAL FUCKING BAD..  THE FUNNIEST INSTANCE I CAN THINK OF WENT SOMETHING LIKE THIS....  2 FAST 2 FURIOUS HIT THE BIG SCREEN AND PEOPLE LOST THEIR SHIT.. INCLUDING ME.. I AM A SUPER HUGE FAN OF CARS AND MOVIE CARS.  SO OF COURSE I WENT TO SEE A DECENT MOVIE WITH SUPER DOPE ASS CARS!!.  WELL, GUESS WHAT WHAT HAPPENING IN THE PARKING LOT OF THE GRAND OLE' LEESVILLE CINEMA 6.. YOU GUESSED IT.....

RICER' NATION DOING THEIR BEST RENDITION OF TOKYO FUCKING DRIFT!!.  GIVE ME A GODDAMNED' BREAK!!  THIS MAKES ME SO MAD.. THESE "D" BAGGERS TOTALLY RUIN ANY CHANCE OF SEEING A MOVIE WITHOUT GETTING RIDICULED.  NEWS FLASH BOY RACERS.......
NOBODY WANTS TO SEE YOUR SHITTY 4-BANGER WITH DUMP TRUCK EXHAUST PIPES!!
ANYTIME A NEW VERSION OF THE MOVIE OR A RE-RUN COMES ON I NEVER HEAR THE END OF THE GAYNESS FROM MY WIFE.. THANKS DICKS..  ANYWAYS, I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS ABOUT MOVIES... I MEAN YOU GO IN TO WATCH A QUALITY SHOW... 2.5 HOURS LATER MEN COME OUT OF THE SHOW AND SWEAR TO THE GOD'S THAT THEY ARE THE INCREDIBLE FUCKING HULK OR SOME SHIT.. GUESS WHAT HOMBRE'. YOUR NOT GREEN, YOUR ANGER IS SUSPECT, DEF. NEED WAY MORE TIME AT THE WEIGHT PILE AND OH ONE MORE THING.......  YOUR NOT FROM THE MARVEL FUCKING UNIVERSE!!!

JUST WATCH THE FUCKING MOVIE AND GO HOME!!! STOP BEING A RAGING BONER IN PUBLIC!!

LADIES, I GIVE IT TO YOU.. WE ARE DUMB ANIMALS.. MANIPULATED BY THE SMALLEST OF THINGS.. I HAVE NEVER SEEN A CHICK ENTER OR LEAVE A MOVIE THEATRE IN ANYMORE OR ANY LESS CLOTHING.... EVER!  IT DOESN'T MEAN THAT SHE'S NOT THINKING ABOUT "MAGIC MIKE" WHEN SHE LEAVE WITH YOU OR HER GIRLS.  BUT I ASSURE YOU I HAVE NEVER HEARD OR SEEN THIS..

MOVIE CHICK: WOW, STAR WARS WAS THE SHIT!! I THINK I'M GONNA JUST PUT MY VAG ON DISPLAY FOR YOU AND ROCK THE SHIT OUT OF MY STORM TROOPER UNI-TARD"

SORRY GUYS NO MATTER HOW BAD YOU WANT THAT TO HAPPEN, YOU WOULD THINK SHE IS A TOTAL WHACK JOB AND DISCARD HER AT YOUR EARLIEST CONVIENCE.  I JUST NEED MEN TO ACT A LITTLE MORE LIKE MEN AND NOT LITTLE FUCKING KIDS COMING OUT OF THE NEW NINJA TURTLE ANIMATED FULL LENGTH..

OH AND THIS BROAD DOES NOT SPEAK FOR THE FEMALE DEMOGRAPHIC... SHE IS OBVIOUSLY DISABLED AND SUFFERING FROM DEMENTIA.  I WILL SAY THAT I HAVE FALLEN PREY TO THIS DISEASE JUST ONCE.. BUT I WILL SAY I HAD AN EXCUSE.. I HAD BEEN HOME FROM COMBAT LIKE A WEEK, SO I WAS STILL IN THE ZONE CHIEF!! WELL ME, LACEY AND GARRISON WERE OUT ON THE TOWN AND WE WENT TO SEE 300..

OH MY EFFING GOD!!!!

SAY WHAT YOU WILL, BUT I AM TOTALLY SURPRISED THAT LEESVILLE DIDN'T END UP LIKE SOUTH CENTRAL AFTER THE L.A. RIOTS!!  IF I WOULD HAVE HAD A LOIN CLOTH AND A CAPE, IT WOULD HAVE BEEN DONE SON!!! I THINK ROBBIE AND MYSELF CAME OUT OF THE THEATRE AND BEGAN TO ROMAN GRECO WRESTLE!! NO SHIT!! IT WAS THE MOST INTENSE MOVIE EXPERIENCE I HAVE EVER HAD. AND TO MAKE MATTERS BETTER (WAY FUCKING WORSE)  WE WENT TO THE LOCAL WATERING HOLE AND DRANK OUR FUCKING ASSES TO OBLIVION!! AND THE WHOLE BAR APPARENTLY CAME FROM THE SAME SHOW, BECAUSE IT WAS NOTHING BUT DUDES TAKING SHOTS AND YELLING...

THIS IS SPARTA!!!!!!!!

IT WAS CRAZY! MY BOY GARRISON IS NOT THE EMBODIMENT OF PHYSICAL STRENGTH OR STATURE BUT I WILL BE DAMNED IF HE DIDN'T RIP OF A CAST IRON FENCE SPIKE FROM THE COVERED PATIO AND WIELD WILDLY  AROUND LIKE A DICK CLOTHED AMAZON DESERT WARRIOR OF OLD.!! IT WAS FUCKING AWESOME.. MY WIFE EVEN THOUGHT SO.. 

SO LISTEN, GUYS, IN THIS INSTANCE ITS COOL TO BE COO-COO FOR COCO PUFFS.. BUT FOR GOD SAKES DON'T TAKE YOUR GIRL, WIFE, HOE, BOYFRIEND OR PET TO SEE SOME SHIT LIKE MAGIC MIKE AND COME OUT IN THE PARKING LOT WITH YOUR DICKAGE ALL OUT AND SWANGIN' IN THE WIND.. PROLLY GONNA GET YOU IN THE POKEY WITH A REAL DICK SWINGER BY THE NAME OF LITTLE NUC' NUC' READY TO SHOW YOU WHAT A REAL GOOD TIME FEELS LIKE IN LOCK-UP.. JUST A WARNING..

AS ALWAYS, 100% REAL AS SHIT!!

ONE SHOT, ONE KILL!!

-A SONZ-OF-DADZ-PRODUCTION-