HOW "BIG" IS YOUR FISH STORY....

Its been about a month since I last spoke some truths to the people..  And as I dig into my card catalog of for real 100% true as "ish" stories of conquest I come upon a story that I am fond of and reminded of everyday I walk out my front door.  My "BIG FISH" story is absolutely the best fishing story I have ever witnessed and could not believe it really happened to me....  It was a crushing defeat followed by instant supreme victory for the home team!!  "THATS ME PEOPLE!! I'M THE EFFING HOME TEAM..."  So here we go....

So no SHIT there I was..... me and the ole' man on the end of the boat jocking for position around mid spring time some years ago..  We got a late start and figured we would just drop a hook in the water and see what we could snag.  Just so I give credit where credit is due, I am NOT the supreme angler in my family..My dad and brother got that on LOCK!  I come in at the bottom of the whiskey barrel when it comes to fish in boat... But on this day I became the BASS Angler of the UNIVERSE with 2 little casts..  That's right dad, you sir, are all back of the bus on this day!!  That day dear ole' dad weighed in exactly this.....

BLAHAHAHAHA!!!! WEAK SAUCE MCGRAW!!!!  It just wasn't your day hombre'...  but thanks for the Gaff!! it helps build the story! 
So now that you understand what kind of day my dad was having, mine in turn was the complete opposite... Every time dad put his hook in the water he got this....

 

While every time I even looked at the water I was given this.....

 

It was awesome beyond belief!!!  I bet I put about 300lbs of bass in the boat in about 3 hours.. The sun was def. shining on my BOOTY-DOO this day... and all I could do was laugh about it and yell....
                         GET THE NET!!!!!!
I don't know how many years I had been "NET" bitch for my dad and brother but today was sweet redemption!  So we are running the banks hard and I am killing it, when it happened.....  We spot this huge BITCH OF A bass with its finn skimming the top of the water....  I swear it looked like JAWS patrolling the beaches in 2 foot of water.... it was nutz!!

ITS ON PEOPLE!!!!  This Heffer is mine!!!  ENGAGE GAME FACE!!!    This was the first and only time that ME, EGO, And CONSCIOUS were all on the complete same page...  EGO and CONSCIOUS are both rooting for me and so was Padre'...  I get a good line at the bank where the BEAST was patrolling and I commence to throw my super duper shark catching bait just past her position on the bank and drag it in the water right behind her.... She thinks its bank food....  I know its death plastic with a BIG ASS HOOK!!  Bertha begins to turn around and see dinner as I inch it to her...  slowly, slowly, ..... jiggle jiggle jiggle......       
                                                     BOOM!!!!!!!!!!! 

The fight is on!!!!  I'm nervous as shit!!! I am sweating, crying , laughing, screaming, and pissing on myself at the same time..!! I got BILL DANCE, AKA "DAD" coaching and yelling at me to take if easy.!!  ENGAGE VOICE BLOCK OUT MODE!!!  I'm focused...  The Drag is burning up my zebco 202 and my ultra light brim rod is bent over like a rainbow with $500 billion in gold at the other end of that lucky charm....  This shit is serious!!  In my mind this was the pinnacle of my whole life!! you either complete the mission or go down with the sinking ship....  and for some reason I feel out manned and out gunned with Shamoo and my ship is sinking for real ass fast!!  Then it happened....  that moby dick of a fish decides.....  I THINK I'M GONNA SHIT ON HIS CORN FLAKES RIGHT ABOUT....NOW..  AND  JUMP.......  FML..... IT LOOKED AND FELT JUST LIKE THIS....

 

And just like that.... the line went slack.....  no weight was felt on the end of my Zebco 202 super ultra light fishing weapon of mass deception...  I lost her........  let the tantrum commence....  I think I cussed and cried and wanted to jump to my watery doom...  shame and dismay overwhelmed my whole existence.  Failure...  I looked at my dad..... he looked at me... shook his head and said.... win some, lose some.  THAT'S WHAT YOU GOT FOR ME GHANDI?!?!?   WIN SOME LOSE SOME!?!?!   Boy I am super enlightened with those words of shitboxery..  thanks dad.... NOW TAKE ME TO THE EFFING DOCK!!!!  START ROWING GILLIGAN!!.  But before we headed off I just so happened to turn around and look at the bank one more time to remember what could have been and where I lost the battle of my life.... and no shit.......
           THERE THAT HOE BAG WAS AGAIN.

AND I SWEAR SHE WAS LOOKING RIGHT AT ME SMILING JUST LIKE THIS....  With every once of M-A-N I had left, I did the same thing.. pitched my tool of death on the bank and slowly, ever so gently , just so very slightly, brought it to the water where she lie taunting me.... 
JIGGLE JIGGLE JIGGLE..... JIGGLE JIGGLE JIGGLE....
                    DING DING DING!!!!
HEY YOU Tommy....  I GOT ONE MORE ROUND!!! MY RING IS OUTSIDE!!!!!

FISH ON!!!! HOLY HELL BALLS!!! CAN THIS BE FOR REAL?!?!   Who hooks MOBY DICK TWICE IN 10 MINUTES...??  I'LL TELL YA WHO!!!!! 

I had my second wind!!  my zebco was reeling smooth and the rod felt like a deep sea fishing tree!! no bend, no burning of the drag setting... nothing... just total sweetness..  I really feel like GOD was with me during those moments...  I get her close to the boat and start yelling at the ole' Man ....

GET THE NET!!!!!

But dear ole' dad wants to FINGER BANG the net and get it hung up in the other rod and reels...  All my anglers out there know how helpless you feel when you have your trophy on the line, net is jammin you up and no hope in sight..  PANIC!!!! I START YELLING LIKE A BANSHEE!! DAD!!!! WHAT THE @#$%q$@#@#$@#$!@#$!@#  ARE YOU DOING!?!?!?! GET THE DAMN NET!!

 

this does not help...  no net in sight, and Bertha is about to spring into action and jump over the boat and laugh yet again....  She swims toward the trolling motor preparing for the launch.....

THIS IS MY NORMANDY FOLKS......  I WILL NOT FAIL AND I WILL TAKE THE BEACH HEAD!!! VICTORY WILL BE MINE COME HELL OR HIGH WATER.! 

I grab the end of the rod just as she comes in for the final approach and take a wild stab in the water with my right hand....... time stands still.... silence fills the world......

THEN IT HAPPENS.....

 

      FACE MOBY DICK!!!!  MUTHA EFFIN' FACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I Did it... I won.. I could not believe my eyes...  I didn't sink with the ship!!  Beach head secure!!
I bet you could hear me yelling sweet sweet victory all across the state!!  what an amazing day..For all the men out there, you know what this kind of catch means to you..  Its very near the top of every man's bucket list.. and I was so pumped to cross it off my list and put this Broad on my wall for all to gaze upon. 

 

 

To this day, me and the ole' man laugh at how it went down... The fact that I got a second chance at destiny makes the mind boggle.. But God gave me my shot, and I took it..  He helped me win and I am grateful beyond words.. But wow what a Test.. 

 

Moral of this story..... Don't be afraid to take another shot after falling short... No matter what it may be... it could all just be your test, and the "Maker" is just getting you ready for it.  

Whatever you do. whatever the task, be stead fast..take you shot and get it done..

And for shit sakes.....

FIX THE DAMNED FISHING NET PRIOR TO HOOKING JAWS!

 

AS ALWAYS... 100% TRUE AS SHIT!! TIL NEXT TIME.....

ONE SHOT, ONE KILL!!!!

some new flash to update the page!! enjoy! 

 

THERE WILL ALWAYS BE SOMEONE BETTER THAN "YOU"!

FIRST I WANT TO APOLOGIZE TO EVERYONE WHO USE TO READ AND LAUGH AT MY PAIN....  LIFE'S UGLY JOKES ALWAYS SEEM TO GET IN THE WAY AND FOR ME, LIFE HAS JUST BEEN A BIG DAMN SCRAMBLE.. SAYING THAT, I WILL SAY THAT I HAVE ABOUT 5 MONTHS OF SHIT HOT MATERIAL THAT I AM GONNA LAY ON YOU THAT SHOULD KEEP YOU BITCHES IN STITCHES AND BRING BACK MY SMALL FAN BASE FROM LAST YEAR..  ONE SHOUT OUT BEFORE WE GO ANY FURTHER WITH SAID "TITLE" OF THIS POST.  OUR NEWEST AND "LAST" CRIB MIDGET HAS GRACED US WITH HIS CHEEKS AND PRESENCE.... COOPER LEE PEEK, A.K.A SUPER COOP', COO COO. AKA DA' PAPS, AKA MOOSE!!

HE IS SUCH A HOOT' AND A BLAST TO BE AROUND!  HE'S ALWAYS SMILING AND DEF' LOVES HIS BIG BRO!  HE'S THE BEST YOU COULD EVER ASK FOR. I AM SO BLESSED!

OK.... NOW TO THE BIZ' AT HAND....

THESE DAYS MY LIFE HAS CHANGED IN A DRASTIC WAY.  I AM RETIRED FROM THE MILITARY AND LOVING IT... NO MORE LEFT, RIGHT, LEFT (LAME) AND ALL THAT DRAMA.  BUT I HAVE MOVED ON TO ANOTHER PROFESSION WORKING WITH THE STATE.  I WON'T GET INTO WHAT EXACTLY I DO BECAUSE THAT ISH' IS SUPER DUPER SECRET SQUIRREL.. OH AND I WANT TO KEEP MY JOB MORE THAN HALF A SECOND....

BUT NO MATTER WHERE I GO OR WHAT I DO, I ALWAYS SEEM TO GET ENTANGLED WITH ONE PERSON THAT IS JUST "BETTER"  THAN YOU.. 

I'M SURE YOU HAVE ALL HAD THAT PERSON IN YOUR LIFE... FORTUNATELY I NEVER HAVE UNTIL MY CURRENT EXPERIENCE AND ONGOING TRAINING I CURRENTLY ATTEND.  NO MATTER WHAT I SAY OR HOW I SAY IT, "WILLIE SUE" HAS BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, LIFTED IT HIGHER, RAN IT FASTER, ATE MORE OF IT, AND SHIT MORE OF IT THAN ANY SUPER HUMAN EVER TO GRACE A COMIC BOOK COVER!!

YOU KNOW THOSE POSERS.... THEY LOOK JUST LIKE THIS..

OLE' "WILLIE SUE" IS THE NAME I GIVE HE/SHE TO SAVE A LITTLE FACE AND LEAVE YOU GUYS GUESSING THE GENDER OF THIS PERSON... WELL EVEN WITH THOSE CLUES, YOU CAN PICTURE MY REALITY THAT STARTS AT 5:30 SHARP EVERY WEEK OVER BREAKFAST....

BOOM!!!

ANY WHO, HAVING GIVEN YOU THE VISUALS YOU NEED TO STICK AROUND, I WILL LAY IT OUT FOR YOU...  MY GROUP OF PEOPLE THAT I TRAIN WITH ARE A GREAT BUNCH OF PEEPS..  REALLY, I COULDN'T HAVE PICKED A BETTER GROUP.. BUT OLE' BAD ASS JUST SEEMS TO RUB AN ASS RASH ON EVERYBODY.  AND BEST BELIEVE WHEN I SAY WE HAVEN'T FOUND A CURE FOR IT, ITS THE GOSPEL... WE'VE TRIED..  THAT DOG JUST WON'T DIE AND MOVE ON TO THE UPPER ROOM....GO LEFT OR RIGHT HOMBRE' I DON'T CARE WHICH....

DURING OUR TRAINING AS WITH ANY TRAINING, YOU HAVE TO MAKE A CERTAIN % TO MOVE ON TO THE NEXT PHASE.  EVERYONE WORKS FOR REAL' ASS HARD AND HELPS ONE ANOTHER TO BE THE BEST WE CAN BE.  EXCEPT FOR SPACE CADET.... APPARENTLY, THIS PERSON "TANKS" TESTS AND PHYSICAL FITNESS EVENTS BECAUSE THEY DON'T WANT TO RAISE ATTENTION TO THEMSELVES... REALLY??? I GUESS YOUR NAME IS PETE ROSE AND YOU NEVER BET ON BASEBALL EITHER..(ASS) SO YOU MISS 1 QUESTION ON YOUR TEST EVERY TIME , AND PULL UP WHEN CROSSING THE FINISHING LINE DURING A PHYSICAL EVENT BECAUSE YOU WANT TO BE GRACIOUS TO US MERE MORTALS??  CHECK IT OUT SUPER DOUCHE', THAT'S LIKE SAYING IM GONNA WIN THE $300 MILLION DOLLAR POWERBALL AND GIVE IT ALL TO CHARITY!!!! 

FUTHER' MUCKER PLEASE!!!!!

YOU MUST BE THAT SECRET SUPER AGENT EVERYBODY SPEAKS OF...



 THIS SPEAKS VOLUMES ABOUT YOU BY THE WAY....

I GOT A PLAN FOR YOU... HOW ABOUT YOU TAKE YOUR SUPER DUPER HEAD OUT OF YOUR ENTIRE ASS AND TAKE A DEEP, DEEP BREATH OF CLEAN FRESH GOODNESS.  IF YOU DIDN'T KNOW ALREADY, PLANET EARTH PEOPLE THRIVE ON A THING CALLED OXYGEN... THE PARTICLE OF WHICH YOUR BRAIN HAS YET TO BE ENRICHED WITH.. 

FRIENDS, I HATE TO HATE BUT THE UTTER CRAP THAT COMES OUT OF THIS PERSONS MOUTH ON A DAILY BASIS IS CRAZY..  BUT WE ALL, INCLUDING ME CONTINUE TO TAKE THE HIGH GROUND AND OFFER FRIENDSHIP, HELP, OR WHATEVER AND ITS JUST THROWN IN EVERYONES FACE..  IT JUST BURNS ME UP.. THE FINAL COMPARISON I CAN GIVE ABOUT THIS PERSON AND THEIR ABILITIES CAN BE RELATIBLE TO BASICALLY THIS.... IF THERE WERE A CONTEST OF JUMPING ABILITY AND THIS PERSON WAS A PART OF THAT CONTEST.. THEY WOULD MAKE MICHAEL JORDAN LOOK LIKE A RETARD..(THEIR WORDS). OR EVEN BETTER.... US NORMAL PEOPLE WOULD BE REPRESENTED BY OH LETS SEE....STEVEN HAWKINGS.. AND THEY WOULD BE KOBE........

BITCH PLEEZE!!!

MAYBE YOU COULD JUST SAY, I'M SORRY FOR LACKING IN PEOPLE SKILLS AND I'M ALITTLE OFF... I THINK WE COULD ALL DEAL WITH THAT AND YOU WOULD FIT IN A WHOLE LOT BETTER. 

OR MAYBE AT LEAST YOU CAN TAKE SOME OF THAT "MILLION DOLLA DOLLA BILLS" THAT YOU HAVE IN YOUR CHECKING ACCOUNT AND BUY EVERYONE A ROUND OF BEERS... THATS PROLLY A GOOD START.  YOUR DRAMA IS LAUGHABLE..

FRIENDS, I UNDERSTAND THAT LIFE SOMETIMES GIVES US SHIT BOMBS TO DEAL WITH.. MOST IF NOT ALL, GRAB 'SAID' SHIT BOMB AND MAKE IT INTO A SHINY BRIGHT DIAMOND..  ITS WHAT WE DO..  MOST OF US ARE LIKE MINDED AND HAVE GOALS THAT ARE ON PAR WITH THE REST OF MIDDLE AMERICA..  WE DON'T TRY TO BE BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE, AND THE ONLY COMPETITION GOING ON IS WITH OUR OWN INDIVIDUAL DEMON..  I HAVE BEEN FORTUNATE TO HAVE CONQUERED MY PHYSICAL DEMON WITH THE HELP OF MY WIFE, KIDS AND FAMILY.. IT FEELS BETTER THAN ANYTHING I HAVE EVER DONE..  I AM BLESSED..  IN CLOSING, I WOULD SAY TO THIS PERSON OR ANY PERSON WHO READS THIS, TO STOP HATIN' JUST FOR THE SOUL PURPOSE OF DOING IT..  NO ONE IS OUT TO GET YOU AND NO ONE REALLY CARES TO MUCH EITHER... THE WORLD IS A CRUEL PLACE POWDER PUFF... TIME TO GRAB YOUR DEMON BY THE HORNS AND DEAL WITH IT... I'M SURE EVERYONE HAS RAN INTO THIS PERSON ONCE OR TWICE IN THEIR LIFE... IF SO, PASS THIS BLOG ON AND TELL THEM TO GET TO READIN'......  HERE'S TO YOU AND ALL THAT HATE ON A DAILY BASIS!!

CHEERS SUPER GOOF!!

AS ALWAYS, 100% true as shit!!! until next time....

ONE SHOT, ONE KILL!!!!