UNCLE TOM'S BROKEN SNIPER CHRONICLES: 2012-06-03

THIS IS ME AND CASH WATCHING HIS SHOW..I USED TO LOVE CARTOONS GROWING UP. I EVEN USED TO REALLY LIKE WATCHING THE GROWN UP CARTOONS LIKE, SOUTH PARK, AMERICAN DAD, FAMILY GUY ETC... BUT IN THE LAST 2 YEARS I HAVE COME TO REALLY EFFING' HATE ALL ANIMATED SHOWS AND MOVIES.. EVEN COMMERCIALS.. CARTOONS ARE ALL MY WIFE AND I WATCH NOW.. ITS SO BAD THAT WE KNOW EVERY DANCE, SONG AND WORD SCRIPTED TO ANY SHOW.. I ALSO BLAME DISH TV. BECAUSE IT GAVE US THE ABILITY TO RECORD AND PLAY BACK EVERY SHITTY CARTOON KNOWN TO MAN KIND..(DICKS) AND THE WORST OF THEM ALL.... STANKIN' ASS "BLUES CLUES"..!! I CAN'T GET THIS SHIT OUT OF MY HEAD!! I KNOW WE ALL WANT TO SAY AND BELIEVE THAT WE HAVE THE SMARTEST KID ON THE BLOCK. AND "I" IN FACT DO... SO MUCH SO THAT HE TAUGHT HIMSELF SIGN LANGUAGE BY BASICALLY WATCHING BLUES CLUES... SO DAY AND NIGHT ALMOST 24/7 MY WIFE AND I GET BLASTED WITH THIS..

IF YOU'RE A PARENT OF SMALL CHILDREN YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.. THE DOG, THE HAND SIGNALS, THE THINKING CHAIR, AND THAT FUCKING NOTEBOOK!! I SWEAR THERE ARE ABOUT 100 DIFFERENT NOTEBOOKS AROUND MY HOUSE RIGHT NOW! IT NEVER FAILS, HE WAKES UP... BOOM!! BLUES CLUES.. HE GOES NITE-NITE..BOOM.! BLUES CLUES!! IT NEVER STOPS... IT'S DRIVING MY WIFE AND I BAT SHIT CRAZY OVER BLUES CLUES!! AND ALL THE OTHER CARTOONS RECEIVE THE AFTER AFFECTS OF OUR RAGE! ALL I WANT TO DO IS TAKE "BLUE" TO THE POUND AND TAKE "JOE AND STEVE'S" PUNK ASS AROUND BACK AND BEAT THE BRAKES OFF BOTH OF THEM!! THE ONLY THING THAT WOULD SAVE THIS SHOW FROM MY ANGER IS IF MANSON TOOK IT OVER AND REALLY REV'ED IT UP A NOTCH OR TWO.. I WOULD BE PUMPED THEN...

THIS WOULD BE THE ILLIST' SHOW TO HIT NICKELODEON SINCE PINWHEEL!! (IF YOU ARE TOO YOUNG TO REMEMBER PINWHEEL, JUST KNOW IT WENT HARD AS SHIT) ANY WHO, I FEEL LIKE A REAL TARDO' WALKING AROUND AT WORK ALL DAY SINGING FUCKING BLUES CLUES.. I EVEN DO IT IN MY TRUCK WHEN "J-BEEBS" HASN'T INTERRUPTED MY LIFE LIKE HE DOES ON A DAMN NEAR DAILY BASIS.. I MEAN, AS PARENTS WE NEED TO REALLY LOOK AT WHAT IS GOING ON HERE. I KNOW, I KNOW ITS USED AS A TOOL TO GIVE MOMMY A BREAK AND LET YOUR KID STAY QUIET FOR A LITTLE BIT. BUT LETS LOOK AT WHAT A SHOW LIKE THIS REALLY DOES.. HERE WE GO..

FACT: THIS CLOWN REAPS ALL THE BENEFITS... HIS PLAN IS TO PLAY INTO THE YOUNG MOTHERS CUTE SIDE AND SCORE AS MUCH A POSSIBLE. HE COULD GIVE TWO SHITS ABOUT YOUR CHILD'S EDUCATIONAL NEEDS OR IMPROVEMENTS.. HE IS KNOWN WORLD WIDE AND PROLLY SCORES COKE AND M.I.L.F.'S ON THE REG BECAUSE OF OUR LACK OF PARENTING SKILLS..

THIS SHOULD SAY IT ALL. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOUR KID RAN INTO THE "REAL" STEVE?? WELL I KNOW WHAT HE WOULD DO BASED OFF THIS PIC. AND I KNOW FOR A FACT HE WOULD GO TO THE PENITENTIARY ON A 10-20 YEAR STRETCH BECAUSE OF IT.. STRANGER DANGER,STRANGER DANGER!!

AND THEN THERE IS JOE.... 2ND RATE BACK-UP TO STEVE... OR AS THE SHOW CALLS HIM.. "STEVE'S LITTLE BROTHER" MAN YOU GOTTA REALLY SUCK TO PLAY SECOND FIDDLE TO INMATE # 13453... EVEN STEVE THINKS YOU BLOW HARDER THAN 3 SWISS DUDE IN A RICOLLA' COMMERICAL..

STEVE ONLY LETS YOU IN THE HOUSE BECAUSE HE'S DOPE SICK AND HE SENDS YOU OUT TO SCORE SOME SMACK FOR HIM.... CASE IN POINT.....

AT LEAST PEDOPHILE STEVE IS CONSISTENT WITH HIS COLORS.. YOU CAN'T EVEN FIGURE OUT WHAT COLOR IS YOUR FAVE... GET IT TOGETHER LAMO!! PARENTS, I KNOW LIFE AND WORK ARE HARD.. BUT WE HAVE TO REMEMBER SHOWS LIKE THE TELETUBBIES AND BARNEY AND WHY WE DON'T WANT OUR KIDS WATCHING THAT SHIT...

WHAT THEY NEVER TOLD YOU ABOUT BARNEY'S ASS!!

WHAT YOU ALWAYS THOUGHT ABOUT THE "TUBBIES"

AT THE END OF THE DAY BLUES CLUES COMES DOWN TO ONE THING.... STEVE, JOE AND THEIR ACCOMPLICE BLUE ONLY WANT ON THING.... YOUR LITTLE BOYS

TALLY-WHACKER!!

I WISH THAT MY KID WOULD WATCH THE OLD SCHOOL CARTOONS.. YOU KNOW THE ONES THAT TAUGHT YOU THAT THE WORLD IS AN UGLY PLACE.. THAT ITS A DOG EAT DOG WORLD, THE CLASSIC GOOD AGAINST EVIL AND YOU HAVE TO GET YOURS WHILE THE GETTIN' IS GOOD... YEA YOU KNOW WHO I'M TALKING ABOUT.....

THIS IS WHO OUR KIDS NEED TO LEARN FROM WHEN WE ARE NOT THERE.. WILE "E" COYOTE. HE'S ABOUT HARD WORK AND DEDICATION TO COMPLETE WHATEVER MISSION IS SET IN FRONT OF HIM... YEA I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING... "OLE' WILE E." NEVER CAUGHT THE ROAD RUNNER OR BUGS BUNNY.. I KNOW THIS BUT YOU ARE MISSING THE POINT.... HE NEVER QUIT, ALWAYS HAD A PLAN B,C,D,E AND WHEN ALL ELSE FAILED, HE WOULD JUST STRAP HIS ASS TO THE BIGGEST ROCKET POSSIBLE AND HOPE SHIT WOULD WORK OUT!! NO RISK, NO REWARD!!! WHAT YOU HAVE TO REALLY LOOK AT IS WHAT HE WAS WORKING WITH.... HIS SUPPLIES CAME FROM THE CHEAPEST BIDDER AND THE PARTS WERE MANUFACTURED IN MEXICO.. WHAT DOES THAT SOUND LIKE?? AMERICA!! THAT'S WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE!!

IF YOU GAVE HIM THE PROPER EQUIPMENT AND FUNDING THAT BIRD WOULDN'T HAVE A CHANCE IN HELL.. AND THAT'S THE DEAD BALL TRUTH!! SO WITH THAT PARENTS AND FRIENDS, LETS START THINKING ABOUT WHO WE WANT OUR KIDS TO WATCH.... WEIRD PEDOPHILE SHOWS WITH HIDDEN INNUENDOS..... OR OLD SKOOLY ACME CARTOONS THAT TAUGHT MOST OF US HOW TO BE CREATIVE, TAKE THE BUMPS AND BRUISES AND KEEP TRYING AGAIN AGAIN... I SAY GO WITH THE LATTER... BUT LIKE MOST OF YOU I AM TOO LATE.. MY KID JUST SAID HIS FIRST FULL SENTENCE TODAY AND AS PROUD A POPPA AS I AM IT WENT WAY SOUTH WITH THE REQUEST MY SON MADE.. MOMMA: CASH WHAT DO YOU WANT TO WATCH ??"CASH: WATCH MAMMY (THAT'S MANNY) AND OSO"..

FML!!! THE TRIFECTA'!! ITS THE WORST WHEN DISNEY PUTS 2 MAIN CHARACTERS IN ONE SHOW!! IT WILL NEVER GO AWAY!! AND WE WATCH IT EVERY DAMN DAY!!!! IN CLOSING, I HAVE TO GIVE A SHOUT OUT TO MY WIFE LACEY... SHE HAS IT WAY WORSE THAN ME.. I HAVE THE OPTION OF GOING TO WORK.. SHE ON THE OTHER HAND HAS TO STAY HOME AND GET HER GRIND ON WITH ALL THE WEAK ASS TOON SHOWS!! I'M SORRY BABY AND I LOVE YOU !! BUT DAMN!!! THAT'S GOTTA SUX REALLY BAD!! OH AND ONE MORE THING.. IF THIS PIC IS REALLY FOR REALZ...... WE ARE ALL FUCKED!!!!